3 Years in a Row

It's already the third day of Aidilfitri and I am dying of boredom. Well, it's entirely my fault for not feeling well. I spent the night of 1st Syawal alone at home, listening to the takbir on TV and from nearby mosques. I told KN to spend Raya with my in laws and not to worry about me. I could've just followed KN home but I wasn't feeling that up to the occasion and I know KN understands me well. Furthermore my dad's house is just nearby so on the morning of Raya after the Aidilfitri prayers my brother fetched me from home (yep I missed Semayang Raya 3 years in a row) and took me to mummy's resting place. I felt happy because her grave was cleaned and the grass trimmed. Thank God I have a responsible little brother who is ever willing to take over my duties ever since I got too sick to do anything.

Like I mentioned before this would be the third Aidilfitri I have spent mostly alone, sickly and not being able to do much. One year getting worse from the other - started off with some infection, then the cerebellar stroke last year and this year this. However bad things may be I am happy that at least my faily understands me and they are respecting my wish to just rest at home. My brother would come over once a day to see that I am okay, KN calls me every now and then and tells me how much I am missed (ahahah tengok la nanti our phone bill with the video calls made) but I couldn't help feeling lonely. Who wouldn't when you're alone most of the time?

Sejak pulang dari Umrah and falling sick, Kal El macam dah tak ada nafsu untuk buat apa pun. Penat rasanya asyik terbaring tengok TV, movies and what not. On INternet pun tak tau nak tengok apa dah, with the crappy news the country has to offer sampaikan blog updates pun I do whenever I feel up to it, sekali banyak buat scheduled entries and posting entries yang dah lapuk but at least I am doing something to keep myself occupied and my brains moving.

I am not sure how long this will be; whether i'll get better or whether my health is going plunging down the drain- I don't know but I surely hope there would be an end to this somewhere, somehow. Whatever it is I am glad that God has shown me what I've been wanting to see and feel most of my life; love from my family. It's too bad mummy didn;t live long enough to witness our family being united but I know we started being together ever since she left us for good. Well, sometimes before good things could happen banyak benda-benda negatif yang perlu dilalui dulu kan? Perhaps I am one of those negative things; kalau aku tak sakit begini, I wouldn't know how much I am actually loved. Kalau mummy masih ada, mungkin papa takkan berubah menjadi lebih baik seperti sekarang. Mungkin Sapit pun akan kekal keras hatinya.

Ini semua pemberian dari Allah dan aku amat bersyukur kehadratnya. Alhamdulillah...

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