Last Saturday pi a friend's wedding kat Sg Buloh. Both the bride and the groom are my friends. Seronok bila tgk kengkawan getting married, one by one. Yang lebih muda pun dah kawin. Some of my friends ada yang dah anak 2, yang anak 4 pun dah ada... ahahah aku ada 7 tapi 7 ekor la...

I want to have kids of my own. I want to send them to school, see them being successful, let them go when it's time for them to start their own families but a million reasons are stopping me from starting my own.

Achoi & Ctot, Selamat Pengantin Baru

Takpa la, aku tengok aja la kengkawan kawen, pray for their happiness. I'll be contented with what and whom I have now in my life. Walaupun marriage is not an option (It is actually, tell you later when I have the guts) but I'm really glad there is someone taking care of me. People will never understand what I'm saying here but let it be as long as I know I'm taken care off. All I could say is thank you to this one person who sacrifices for me and who is willing to do things not even my immediate family is willing to.

I will write more on this topic later.

Far Infrared (FIR) Sauna Therapy

I have been wanting to try out the Far Infrared sauna therapy at Zazen Health Solutions for a very long - got to know this place from Health Today magazine, but have been postponing my visit due to time (ah! lame excuse) and the distance - Well, Dataran Sunway in Kota Damansara isn't that far - only that I wasn't adventurous enough to go find the place - if it wasn't for Amir (thanks very much Amir) who brought me there, I would have gone to Sunway in PJ instead of in Kota Damansara.

FIR is a NASA technology that helps burn calories, detoxify as well as relaxes the body - FIR is especially good for diabetic like me, who over time accumulates toxin in the body because the kidney just doesn't function very well.

FIR is similar to conventional sauna - it makes you sweat, but from experience using conventional sauna, five days a week, for over a year and a half, i could say that the FIR sauna makes you sweat even more - without the presence of steam and the convenience of a CD player as well as lighting for you to do a little reading in there.

Basically Zazen (free promotion lah ni - in return for your 3 free trials, thank you) provides 3 free trials (only at their Kota Damansara office) and offers a 40 days package (yes you can go there every day except Sundays) for RM420. Or, if you have that extra cash you can purchase the sauna system (easy installation, no plumbing required) for less than 10K (yes, gasp!) - well nothing is free but I'm sure there are alternatives (check SaunaHolm's website) for those who can't afford to fork out 10K - sorry Zazen, got to be fair to the public - and especially if you're sick, you are already readily burdened with heavy financial commitments so asking these people to fork out a ridiculous amount of money is simply day light robbery, especially when there are alternatives - but again, thanks for the free trial.

What is beneficial is the FIR technology - to those who are sick and can't afford to do heavy exercises, or simply those who are lazy to go outdoors, try this therapy. You can read more aout FIR here. And here. According to Zazen staff, i will need to come everyday in order to benefit from the therapy, well, I guess this may be true as when i was using the conventional sauna, pair up with 5 days of gym and 3 days of squash, I was really feeling very healthy- that was 6 years ago when my workplace had the luxury of a gymnasium, a squah court and a sauna for their staff.

I will go again to Zazen this weekend to claim my second trial, even though I may not immediately benefit the use of FIR, i just love the sweat - it has surely been awhile! Go try!

Diabetic Neuropaties & Water Retention Problem

My greatest problem now is water retention (Edema). from my readings this may due to a couple of factors; kidney or heart.

It all started more than a year ago when my feet started to swell after sitting for long, especially at the office. My work requires me to sit a great deal of time and wearing socks makes it worse. Being diabetic, I know socks is an essential pair of garments that would in the end save my life.

The swelling wasn't that bad at first - what was worse was the numbness on my feet, especially the sole. Again from my readings it's caused by diabetic neuropathy. A diabetic will eventually experience this usually 20 years after being diagnosed or maybe longer if one takes good care of himself. Since I have really done the total opposite here, experiencing neuropathy 15 years after being diagnosed can be considered premature and extraordinary.

Neuropathy is generally the damage to the nerves, usually attacking the feet, hands and certain parts of the body of a diabetic, over time will attack organs in the body as well. In my case, apart from the feet and hands (usually around the finger), I experience prickly pain on my chest and the back of my body. Now even, my legs are weakened causing me great pain when i have to climb uphill or the atairs. Sometimes I feel like I am already 80 when the fact is that I'm not even 32.

Sometimes I just can't feel my legs, risking injury - when I drive, I can't wear slippers any longer, it has to be a pair of shoes or a strap on sandal - pernah sekali aku drive pakai selipar, tertanggal dan I couldn't feel the pedal. A swollen feet when coming back from work is not a rare sight at all. Now, that would have caused by water retention problem. Only one possibility and explanation - my kidneys couldn't eliminate water well. Sometimes I even feel bloated at the tummy - macam baru lepas melantak bergelas-gelas air - and this leads to breathing difficulties.
There are so many things I can't do well now because of these two problems. My muscles are weaked because of the nerve damages therefore I can't walk much or climb stairs without experiencing pain. Water retention problem causes breathlessness - I would have difficulty sleeping, buat kerja-kerja berat and so on.

Sometimes I just feel embarrassed with my own self. Sometimes I just feel like giving up but there's something that is pushing me to go on with my life. I'll tell you about this later.

Alienware versus Whateverware

When i was browsing the Internet (like many other days) I came across Alienware and what I discovered was amazing... I want!!!!

But unfortunately Alienware is not available here in Malaysia. And later at I came across this!And now we're talking. But I do not really like the Superman Returns rather dark colour... I go for striking colours - I prefer the Alienware's above. Fortunately this company can custom make the skin at RM80, otherwise it's only RM60. Heheheh here I go!

Death Knocks? - Part 4

Yup.. i want to finish summing up 15 years of my life so that i can start sharing my current situation. So now you guys know that I haven't been taking my medications well for God knows how long. Sampai la tahun 2004 when I started feeling numb kat my feet and hands. In 2004 alone I was hospitalised twice because of this darn diabetes.

My body was so used to being hyperglycemic (high glucose reading of more than 20 mmol) sampaikan when my glucose reading came down to the teens pun i can experience hypoglycemia (low glucose reading). Click here to learn more about Hyperglycemia. Click here to learn more about Hypoglycemia.

My body was so accustomed to having high sugar sampai I did not experience any of the symptoms like feeling nausea and vomitting, headaches, blurred vision and so on. Apa yang aku rasa was I was getting thinner walaupun I was eating my usual amount of meals. (well, for someone who has been trying to tone his body down, this may seem a bless - but of course, I was a fool to believe that)

One thing I did not tell - I was 120kg when I was first diagnosed with this thing but after less than 6 years i was 35kgs lighter (a good sign for people who doesn't know I was diabetic and truly a bad sign to myself) - otherwise I was happy to see myself shrink although deep inside i knew it was because of uncontrolled diabetes.

Now I am more or less between 75 - 80kgs, forever fluctuating because of water retention problem - apa lagi if not suspect of kidney failure or mungkin heart failure jugak... jeng jeng jeng...

Death Knocks? - Part 1

Hi. Thanks for dropping in.

I am a 32 year old male living in KL. I am a diabetic blessed with hypertension and a list of other illnesses. No, I am neither HIV + nor do I have AIDS but still death knocks... There are many reasons why I am writing here. Well, generally to share my feelings, what I go through every day of my sick life. So that orang yang tak sakit, jangan sekali-kali carik penyakit. Tak... bukan aku yang carik penyakit-penyakit ni tapi depa datang sendirik.

Let me start by telling you - I honestly feel that my parents shouldn't get married to each other - bukan aku tak bersyukur tapi baka yang dibawa dalam darah masing-masing tu. My father, known to have strong family history of diabetes - hampir semua orang ada dalam family dia. Papa pun got it when he was 30 if i'm not mistaken. Arwah mummy plak known family history for cancer, hypertension and heart problem. My late mother passed away 3 years ago - after a major bypass - heart failure. She had diabetes too, and hypertension.

Korang mesti kata what is so bad having diabetes and hypetension - millions of people have it and they live long. It could be ok if its was controlled and well maintained from the beginning, macam kereta lah.. kalau dari awal tak jaga maka dah lama-lama esok habis la....

Aku bukan nak salahkan my parents kawen, dah jodoh dorang. And kalau dorang tak kawen maka aku adik beradik takkan ada kat sini. Aku tak salahkan sesiapa tapi diri aku sendiri. Seingat aku, papa selalu marah kalau aku minum air manis dan itu pulak jadi kesukaan aku heheheh. Yaaaa gelak lah aku pada diri sendiri. Sendiri pun malas nak eksesais, padan la muka...

Death Knocks? - Part 2

I became a diabetic when I was 18 - fresh from school - I remember mummy was the one who brought me to PUSRAWI and had me tested - well, bila dah ada family history tu memang it's kinda expected you'd have it sooner or later. After an oral glucose test - yes kompem aku diabetic. Hmmm yang aku ingat, aku tak rasa apa-apa pun masa tu... ye la, mentah lagi and like most of you would say sekarang ni... apa la sangat kencing manis tu.. ahahahah apa? kencing manis? Kene rasa ke kencing aku ni nak tau manis ke idak?

So start ler regim aku pi jumpa pakar and doktor Maznah nama dia sibuk suruh aku kurus... (well, skang korang tau la aku ni bukan kurus - that was then). Aku cakap dalam hati, doktor, saya ni dah macam2 cuba nak kurus tapi tak leh, senang2 doc nak suruh saya kurus ye> Ingat macam tukar baju je? Malam ni kata nak kurus esok dah kurus dah - sapa la yang tanak kurus? Memang pun, i've tried this pill, that pill, spent thousands of ringgit (not my money la kan) at marrie france - macam kene torture kene wrap badan dengan bandange sejuk nak mampos. So, it is always easier said than done.

Sepanjang aku jadik diabetic ni, i've seen many doctors dan ada jugak yang badan macam aku tapi ada hati nak nasihatkan patient dia soh kurus.. ahahahah cam toooot! Ok la back to the story. Mula-mula lepas diagnose tu when i was still covered by my dad's insurance (office punya) kerap la pi jumpa doktor Maznah. Ingat lagi masa tu aku baru masuk pre-U. Terkontang kanting baru nak belajar hidup sendiri... dah pulak dapat penyakit.

Bila dah duk sendiri tu paham2 je la... masa tu nak enjoy je, dan malu plak nak makan ubat depan kawan-kawan. Well, aku berjaya simpan rahsia aku ni berpenyakit for so long, none of my housemates ke room mates knew i was not well. How i did it? Apa lagi... tak makan ubat ler. That's why no one has ever seen me swallowing pills. Ahaks!

Macam I said in my earlier entry la, macam keta, kalau dari mula tak maintain, lama-lama baru terima padahnya. I was well, strong, active (dari berbagai segi - pikirlah sendiri apa segi-seginya ya) until la 10 years after... baru mula penyakit ni nampakkan taringnya.

One of those things yang aku rasa i shoud have done was makan or minum benda2 pahit like my papa always do. Sebab tu after more than 30 years dia jadik diabetic, baru sekarang ni dia rasa lemah... compared to me, baru je 15 tahun kene, kubur macam dah memanggil. Tapi biasa la... remaja mana yang tak minum coke, tak makan fast food, yang tak suka tido... tell me, remaja mana yang sanggup minum air akar kayu? Bila dah jadik cenggini la baru aku nak mula makan benda-benda pahit ni.. nak minum air rebus-rebus akar kayu ni.. but sendiri mau tau, IT IS ALREADY TOO LATE.

So, lepas aku dah tak di cover oleh insurance papa tu i stopped going to the hospital... yang herannya baru aku perasan sekarang, dalam dekat 6 tahun aku belajar (2 yrs pre-u and 4 years degree) no one from my family yang tanya aku ni makan ubat ke idak.. whether my ubat ada ke idak... well, you don't expect somebody yang tenagh belajar nak pi beli ubat kencing manis yang mahal-mahal belaka tu?

Masa tu memang aku macam bebudak lain; pi joli, tengok wayang, keluar masuk menjolok bintang, pi blind date, buat benda jahat tu, benda jahat ni... macam-macam la... ahahah nak kene cerita in detail ke? Nanti la ek...

I am positif sebab masa awal-awal tu aku tak makan ubat, tak pi jumpa doktor la yang aku masa ni sungguh sihat walafiat. Hmmmm....

Death Knocks? - Part 3

Ah ha, sorry ler kene ber part-part cenggini.. tak tau la berapa part yang ada but to sum up 15 years of history ni maka panjang lebarlah ceritanya...

To make things worse, masa aku dah start kerja pun aku jarang makan ubat - bukan apa... i have set my priorities right (wrong sebenarnya) but come to think of it, kalau aku tak buat cenggitu maka i won't be achieving a lot of things now and i won' t have many things that i have now.

Percayalah cakap aku, kalau dah sakit ni, tak guna belajar tinggi mana pun, berapa besar gaji pun because most of your money will go into medication and supplements. Don't get me wrong, bukan maksud aku tak perlu belajar - actually it is most important that you get the highest qualifications and the highest pay possible, in order for you to live comfortably.

I sacrificed my life (yes i know it was wrong) but i wanted a house of my own, in the house i wanted to live comfortably. So dalam usia muda, aku dah beli rumah, neglecting my medical needs. Believe me, medication is expensive especially when you have diabetes and those sickness related to it - kidney failure, heart failure etc. Sebab tu orang kata penyakit-penyakit ni ialah penyakit orang kaya...

1. Sebab hanya orang kaya yang mampu makan banyak uncontrolled sampai dapat penyakit
2. Sebab hanya orang kaya yang mampu beli medication and supplements and tanggung the cost to keep them alive, once they are diagnosed.

Just imagine, kalau kidney failure, it could cost you a minimum 3k per month for dialysis. Kalau heart failure, it would cost you over 20k for a by pass. A vile of insulin costs me RM70 - tu satu, depending on berapa units u need to inject yourself - it may easily be 2 to 3 viles per month. Oral medication lagi, vitamins supplements lagi. As you read on my entries later on, you will understand the pain.

So, bagi yang takde penyakit, sekali lagi jangan carik penyakit. I WAS A HEAVY SMOKER since i was in form 4 until 2005 and i managed to stop - how? I never made it a habit - i never made it a must for me to smoke lepas makan ke errr only while i read (that shows how i seldom read nowadays heheheh) so especially yang merokok tu, jangan la sampai terpaksa tanggung sakit dan the financial burden of having cancer or for a by pass. Maka berenti berenti la merokok tu selagi boleh ya... jimat duit masa kini dan juga masa hadapan.

As far as i can remember, all my working life memang i've been working very hard. I started working in 1998 and has been doing part time jobs whenever and wherever I can, only recently my part time job is restricted to doing things from home - no more teaching at universities or colleges - all thank yous go to me being sick, ye la kaki dah tak kuat, nak mengajar cemana (oh ya, mengajar guna mulut ek... ahahaha tapi kalau tak nak kene komplen ngan students sebab asik duduk tak gerak2 dan dilabel lecturer pemalas... takde le gamaknya mengajar tu guna mulut je kan? So korang paham la skang kenapa I stopped teaching rather abruptly and prefer to do part time jobs yang kene berjaga malam tak tido berhari2 tuh...

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