Kal El

Something i got from a friend. Wish to share with you guys, well, something to enlighten the burden on your shoulders. Remember, say the phrases out loud. Make yourself heard!

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
directions: read these outloud

(English Phrase) I think you need a facelift
(Chinese Phrase) Chin Tu Fat

(English Phrase) Are you hiding a fugitive?
(Chinese Phrase) Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me A.S.A.P.
Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man
Dum Gai

Small Horse
Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?
Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table
Ai Bang Mai Ni

It's very dark in here
Wai So Dim

This is a tow away zone
No Pah King

You are not very bright
Yu So Dum

I got this for free
Ai No Pei

I am not guilty!
Wai Hang Mi?

Please stay a while longer
Wai Go Nao?

They have arrived
Hai Dei Kum.

Stay out of sight
Lei Lo

He's cleaning his automobile
Wa Sing Ka.

Your body odor is offensive
Yu Stin Ki

I thought you were on a diet?
Wai Yu Mun Ching?

Got it people? How some people can be so creative!!!

The female kambing (hahaha I'm the male one of course) forwarded an email this afternoon on employee relations. I have my own version though especially dedicated to Employer Relations. Especially in this hypocrisy era surrounding Intense Continuous Torture, employers need such treatment from the employees.

Following are some good and applicable example taken and twisted from Shahrina's email:

Situation 1:

When Jebon Jr says "Syah, can you help me with the VO?"
Syah should reply "Fuck shit, do it yourself. I'm no longer a charity machine donating my melodious voice for free. Moreover, I'm on salary"

Situation 2:

When Malaun says, "Sham, it's a job well done!"
Sham should reply, "You talking to me bitch? Or are you talking to one of your cronies? Go to hell with your microwave oven"

If you guys see here, it is a trend now, in this highly double-faced environemnt, to actually double the length of reply that you give to your employer. This will definitely guarantee you a 6 months bonus. However, please remember, when a dear friend is the one talking to you, be very short but sweet. For example: If Jess asks Syah to do VO for her mag, Syah should reply, "You're a hottie, anything for you babe!"

Hahahahah this is a photo of Miss Piggy if you're wondering who she is lah... Well, this is how she's going to look like if she remains the BITCH she currently is. May you rot in HELL... Burn Baby Burn!!!! Muahahahahahaha!

Hahahah lagu nih, Hamidah yang tulis... forwarded to me by Aphni... tu ha kat atas tu... muka pencipta lagu dan pengforward lirik nih.... jangan lupa... nyanyikan dengan tune TMNET macam dalam iklan kat TV tuh... selamat menyanyi... mbeeeeekkkkk!!!!

I guess everyone here knows how it feels not being appreciated. I'm feeling just that here in this air-conditioned 'hell'. I just wonder why some people (especially Miss Piggy) can be so blind not to see what people do for her. Is she so dumb or maybe it is her pathethic lonely life that makes her what she is. I just wish one day she'd come to anyone of us and say a simple 'thank you', very sincerely.

Yesterday, one of the clients called and granted my wishes. At least they listened and appreciated what I've done for them. Well, they even mentioned that that the wishes were granted because THEY trusted ME because of the rapport I've built with them. It's definitely a sad case where outsiders know how to appreciate you but your own kind shuns at you.

Errrr ter emote plak... macamana ek... rasa cam nak cakap lepas je dalam ni tapi 'bahaya' kan...

I'm having all these shenanigans up my throat already. Everyday rasa macam malas sangat nak bangun pagi and admit myself into this hell. Everyday i drag being here, what more having to face Miss Piggy. And everyday I despise working, taking whatever time I can to complete things, putting aside work, do work according to my mood. Coming up with the 100% formulae; 1% work and 99% play.

Everyday i wait for 5:30pm so that I can be home and forget whatever shit happened during the day. The day's events are allways BS!! (Like my next door kambing neighbor would always put it)

Entah lah, sampai bila akan jadi macam ni. I've waited long enough for miracle to happen here but I don't think it ever will. No such word as 'kindness' here. No such miraculous event as a sincere smile here. Everything is just pretentious (even I have become accustomed to that - smile when you see Miss Piggy ) Aren't we all the same? When Piggy's not in, we always jump for joy and be our trueself once again... When Piggy's in, world becomes gloomy and sad. As sad as her pahthethic lonely life as a PIG.

This is a photo of Chin Yee in Egypt. She forwarded to share her truly memorable experience in Egypt mid of this year... how nice... i want to go somewhere too... but with this puny salary i'm getting here, how can ma???

BTW, Chin Yee is now working in heaven... hehehehe KLCC Level 57 somemore! She must be glad having decided to leave this 7th floor hell... tsk!

Hahahah Rowena just sent this via email... how sweet.. a prayer just for your lovely (sickening) boss... Hahaha sorry Rowena, I tailor-made this prayer to suit the situation here. Ekekekeke

Ini lah my coffee-making buddy Mike (well used to lah... before we were separetd isk.. isk...) but he remains as sweet a buddy as eva.. wink.. wink.. kene belanja ni Mike!

Well, at the opes, I call him Loh Foo Chi (hope i spelled right!) and I am his Tai Fan Chi (hope spelled right too!) Alah, if you all don't know the two characters, Loh Foo Chi is called Mr. Q! - next time can take picture together with Mike, then you'll see what I mean...

"A message forwarded by my coffee making buddy at ICT, Mike Yeow. He sent the email right on target to the most stressful person in the company hehehe silap hari penampar dan terajang sulungku hinggap di pipi dan perut Miss Piggy. Here's a song dedicated to her: Burung kakak tua, hinggap di ICT, Miss Piggy sudah tua, tapi tak sedar diri... Muakakakak sekian!"

A lecturer was giving a lecture to his student on stress management. He raised a glass of water and asked the audience, "How heavy do you think this glass of water is?
The students' answers ranged from 20g to 500g. "It does not matter on the absolute weight. It depends on how long you hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it is Ok. If I hold it for an hour, I will have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you will have to call an ambulance. It is the exact same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."
"If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, we will not be able to carry on, the burden becoming increasingly heavier. What you have to do is to put the glass down, rest for a while before holding it up again."
Morale:
We have to put down the burden periodically, so that we can be refreshed and are able to carry on. When you return home from work, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it into your home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Rest and relax.

Forwarded by Shahrina... for those ladies who are waiting for wonders to happen... Hello, wake up lah. Berpijaklah di bumi yang nyata... hahahaha 16 inches... ;-) ... Mike you have 16 inches? Muakakakaka

I Will Survive

At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
When you said you had 16 inches, Lord I almost died,
But I'd spent oh so many yrs just waiting for a man that long,
That I grew strong,
And I knew that I could take you on. . .

But there you are,
Another lie,
I was ready for a big mac and you've bought me a French fry,
I should have known that it was bullsh *it,
Just a sad pathetic dream,
Should have known there was no anaconda lurking in those jeans.

Go on now go,
Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 16 inches then turn up with only 4,
Weren't you a prat to think I wouldn't catch you out,
Don't you know we' re only joking when we say size doesn't count.

(Chorus)

I will survive, I will survive,
Cos as long as I have batteries,
My sex life is gonna thrive,
I will always have good sex with a handful of latex,
I will survive, I will survive. . .hey . hey

It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud,
But to hell with all your ego's and to hell with all your needs,
Now I'm saving all my lovin for a cordless multispeed,Go on now go,
Just make a dash,
Last time I saw a prick that small was watching Gladst one run nude hash,
I should have asked for confirmation,
Should have asked for referees,
Then I wouldn't have you waving that wee winky thing at me.

Go on now go,
Just hit the track,
Don't you bring me home no tiddlers,
Cos I'll always throw them back,
The only thing that I could do with a prick as small as yours,
Is to stick it with a tooth pick
Dip it in tomato sauce.

(Chorus)

Go on now go,
Get out of my sight,
I'm going back to my appliance,
Cos I know it's length is right,
And if I ever see your tiny tockley at my door,
You'll be counting up your inches as you pick them off the floor.

Go on now Go!

I like this interview forwarded by one of my colleagues, Aphni. Hmmmm just why can't everyone be like this huh? Well, they wish we'd stay overnight and never have a family of our own - what's more important is THEIR family!

Suddenly teringat lagu "We are family" by Pointer Sisters plak...

Why We Should Go Home by 5.30pm?
By trade minister Rafidah Aziz (Malaysia)
KOBE, March 18 (Bernama) --

With a reputation for her strong stamina despite arduous and hectic schedules, it was not surprising that someone had to ask the Minister of International Trade and Industry, Datuk Seri Rafidah Aziz, where her source of almost boundless energy came from.

"In my job, you have to be cheerful because it's about wanting people to invest. Can you imagine if I come to Kobe with a sour face and no smile? You will not want to come to Malaysia," she said when asked by a Japanese businessman to reveal the secret of her staying power at a seminar on Business Opportunities in Malaysia here today.

"You're great. You're so dynamic and cheerful. We don't see such a character in our Japanese ministers," said the businessman who was obviously an admirer of Rafidah's dynamic personality.

In reply, Rafidah said she was a naturally cheerful person. "I am not making it up (in being cheerful). I laugh a lot and so it's easy for me to be cheerful. It's not like I'm pretending to be cheerful. My nature is like that," she said in a matter-of-fact and yet lighthearted manner.

The minister said her energy also came from the fact that she liked her job."I've been in this job (her present position) for 16 years and I have been in the government for 27 years," she said, acknowledging that she was no longer young as she would be 60 years old this year and already has three grandchildren.

"It makes me happy. You must always do what that makes you happy. If you're not happy, you don't do it. That's very simple... If you don't like the thing but you have to do it (anyway), you'll get the sour face," she said.

Rafidah said she usually did not bring her work home with her. But if she really has some work to finish up, she would wake up at 5.00 am to complete it. "If I go home late, my driver will have to wait for me, my security guard will have to wait for me and my other staff also has to wait for me.

And they will curse me because they want to go home (early)," she said.

Rafidah said if she did not leave for home by 5.30 pm, there was a likelihood that there would be five or six people who could be angry with her. "Angry people are not productive," she said, admitting that she was also not productive in her work after 5.30pm.

"After 5.30 pm, I'm not productive. So five unhappy staff and one unhappy minister is not good (at all)," she said.

Rafidah felt that working very late in office was a waste of time. "You would be better off at home, (or) go out for dinner or play... happy and the next morning you're fresh," she said.

"If you go home late at 11.00 pm or midnight and you don't look at your family and tomorrow you go into the train to go to office, in the end you're not happy and your family is not happy," she said.

"The world will go on even if you go home at 5.30. The world will not stop if you go home at 5.30 pm.

"Why must you go home at 11.00 pm? What's the point and how much work can you do between 5.30pm and 11.00pm?"

"Enjoy yourselves and be happy. I find that I work more when I'm happy," she said. -- BERNAMA